Wife Swap: Cullen vs Aglio
by FullmetalVampire123
Summary: The Cullens get accepted for Wife Swap! Will the new mom be able to deal with the wild Cullen family? Or will the Cullens be able to deal with the mom? OOC Post BD
1. Of Videos and Cool Beans

**I've been dying to do a Wife Swap story!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or Wife Swap.**

**CPOV**

"AY YO! The mail came! There's some bills, a fashion magazine, a weird letter- OMFG MY GAME MAGAZINES!"

Emmett came zooming back to the house at the speed of light, threw the mail at me, and dove into his game magazines. Emmett, Emmett, Emmett. What will I ever do with him?

"Nothing, hopefully. He might burn the house down."

"I heard that, Eddie."

I rolled my eyes. Mail, mail, mail. Bill, bill, bill, Italian Vogue, bill, a letter from Wife Swap, bill… WAIT, WIFE SWAP!

"WHO SIGNED US UP FOR WIFE SWAP?"

Edward pointed to Alice and Emmett.

"You two are in so much trouble it's not funny!"

I opened letter.

"_Congratulations, __Cullen family,__ on account of an interesting video submission we have accepted you to be part of our show, __Wife Swap__. Please be ready for when the date of, __July 15th_, _comes around our cameras will arrive to begin filming. The following day a limo will arrive to take, __Esme Cullen_, _to the airport. Once again, congratulations and happy filming!"_

Oh boy.

"What have they done now, dear?"

My beautiful wife Esme came into the living room from the kitchen, smiling. I swallowed.

"They have signed us up for Wife Swap."

Her face fell like a hundred pound boulder falling down a ninety degree cliff.

"Oh dear."

"Hey, it seemed like a good idea when we filmed the tape!"

"Does anyone want to show me this tape?"

They all looked down at their shoes.

"Here."

Edward put the DVD in the player. A picture of the house came up on the screen.

"_I'm Carlisle Cullen, and this is the Cullen family house."_

Emmett imitated my voice perfectly. The screen switched to a picture of Edward and Bella.

"_This is my eldest son, Edward, with my youngest daughter, Bella."_

Edward quickly spotted the camera and ran to shut the door. The screen changed again, picturing him and Rose.

"_This is my awesomest son Emmett and his extremely beautiful girl Rosalie. Emmett is totally awesome."_

Classic Emmett. Telling the world he's awesome. Twice. The screen changed again.

"_This is my youngest son Jasper and my youngest daughter Alice. He's emo and she's a shopping addict."_

Of course. The screen switched to show a picture of me and Esme.

"_This is me and my beautiful wife Esme. She's cool beans."_

What? "Cool beans?" I don't even talk like that!

And finally, the screen showed Jacob, Nessie, and Seth.

"_This is Edward's friend Jacob with his niece. That cool guy with sandy brown hair is Seth, Emmett's soul brotha. Seth's sister isn't in this picture, but she's a *BLEEP* anyways."_

Wow. That was the worst homemade video I've ever seen.

"Well, since tomorrow is July 15th, there's really nothing I can do about this but go through with it. No point in getting angry."

"YAY!" shouted Alice, jumping up and down like a crazed kangaroo.

**The Next Day…**

**Still CPOV**

Here we go!

I gave my wife a hug and a kiss before she set off on her journey.

"I'm going to miss you, love."

"Me too."

She was then passed from person to person, getting hugs and kisses. The cameras got all this.

**Karin Aglio's (New Mom)** **POV**

I retrieved the mail from the mailbox and was surprised to find a letter from Wife Swap.

"Good news! We got accepted!"

I got two sarcastic "yays" from my children and a smile from my husband.

"I wonder what the new mom will be like…"

**Okay, that was awfully quick, but I want to get on with this story!**


	2. Of Darts And Closets

**Sorry if there are any errors! I edited this from another version with more characters, so if there's anything weird looking please tell me!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or Wife Swap!**

**Karin POV**

I sat patiently in the limo, wondering how I could improve the family I was getting sent to. Forks seemed like a pretty remote place. It would probably be a bunch of hicks out in the middle of nowhere. As we pulled up to the house my ideas were immediately crushed. The gigantic white house (which I would soon learn was called "The White Mansion" by the locals) had what appeared to be four floors and a tower. Off to the side there was a small cottage and a rather large doghouse. Strange.

"They sure have a big house…"

I ignored the handbook for the moment and instead explored the house. The kitchen was huge and there were pots and pans hanging from the ceiling like you would see in a restaurant. There was a sliding glass door at the back of the house that was propped open for some weird reason. The living room (or I should say, the first of three living rooms) was in an indention in the floor. The walls were made of wood and the carpet was dark brown. A coffee table that was much bigger than necessary took up most of the space. Stools and pillows were spread around it. There was a very large TV and several chairs spread out.

"Why do they have a coffee table that big?"

I headed up the stairs to see ANOTHER kitchen and living room. Instead of the woodsy colors of the downstairs living area, this area was all white. The kitchen was normal sized and there were a few chairs and one white couch. A big flat screen was mounted on the wall with numerous games systems on the shelf underneath it.

"They don't need all those games!"

The walls were glass windows that provided a nice outlook on the forest. I was surprised to see a glass door that didn't lead out to a deck or anything. It just opened to the woods.

"How strange…"

I headed up the stairs. There was a giant frame filled with graduation caps.

"What the…?"

At the top there was a long hallway with several doors. I entered the first. Two of the four walls were glass. One of them wasn't even a wall! It was just two giant doors that opened to nothingness, just like downstairs. They were open, to my surprise.

"Someone could hurt themselves falling out of this!"

I didn't try to close them, though, for fear of falling myself. One of the walls was completely covered in CDs. A giant sound system rested in the middle of it all. There were also a few posters for video games, movies, and bands I'd never heard of. There was one bed in the middle, with several books lying on and around it.

The closet was full of boys and girls clothes.

I quickly exited the room, embarrassed at what I'd found. After entering the next room, I found the motherload of Civil War memorabilia. All Confederate, too. There was a uniform in a glass case that had a nametag on it.

_Major Jasper Whitlock_

Underneath were two black-and-white pictures. One was of a young boy with long blond hair in a Confederate uniform identical to the one in the case.

"This must be Major Whitlock, then."

The other was of the same boy, _covered in blood_, standing next to a beautiful woman, who was also _covered in blood_.

"Creepy…"

There were fashion posters all around and several stuffed animals and dolls. A bed was built into the wall. A TV was opposite the bed. I entered the closet, scared at what I might find this time. It. Was. HUGE! A small section was filled with men's clothes, while the rest was all women's. At the end of it all I found a small room with one window. It was filled with makeup and beauty supplies. There were several doors with names written on them like "Emmett and Rose" "Edward and Bella" or "Carlisle and Esme." They all opened to reveals tunnels that I dared not enter.

"Very, very suspicious."

I moved on to the next room. It was dark and the walls were purple. There were clothes littered everywhere and some strange looking objects lying all around. The bed was circular and the sheets were torn and lying around it. I found several pairs of men and women's underwear and lots of lingerie. A TV was on the wall opposite the bed and a tangle of cords and game systems were underneath. There were two closets, one full of action figures and the other, clothes. I exited quickly, not wanting to find anything else.

"That was… akward."

The next room was rather normal looking. There was a sign on the door that said "Seth's Room: Make yourself at home!" It had posters of wolves on the walls and stuffed wolves with nametags that said things like "Quil" "Embry" and "Sam." There were also dolls that looked like humans. They had names like "Edward" "Alice" and "Emmett." There were three beanbags in the corner and a book bag with the initials SLC stitched into the top. There was a desk with drawings and photos lying amongst other things. A stack of textbooks sat next to the desk, begging to be opened and read. The bookshelf contained a few comics, but mostly chapter books and "How To Draw" books. There was a small TV in the wall next to the bed.

"Wow. Very nice. I bet it's a smart kid."

I made my way up the stairs to the fourth floor to find a large bedroom.

"The master bedroom. This must be where I'll be staying."

The room was done up in shades of gold and tan. The bathroom looked equally nice. I headed into an office, and another door which revealed a large library.

"Woah!"

There were rolling ladders so you could climb to get the higher books and cozy looking chairs where you could snuggle up for a good read. There was a wide variety of books with everything from "The Cat in the Hat" to "War and Peace." And, of course, there was a TV in here too.

"I think they went a little too overboard on the TVs."

I went back out and climbed the last set of stairs to find the third living area. There was a small fridge and a large flatscreen. Several chairs and a couch were centered around it. There were game systems placed neatly on shelves. The walls were glass and provided a great view of the forest around the house. You could even see the town! It was beautiful. But now it was time for me to read the handbook before they got home. I made my way to the bottom floor.

_Welcome to the Cullen house, otherwise known as "The White Mansion." Or, at least that's what the locals call it! I'm Esme Cullen, and you'll be replacing me as the woman of the house. I normally clean during the day and garden. My husband, Carlisle, is the discipline master in the house._

"So the dad takes care of the children?"

_The first of our 10 children-_

**TEN?**

_- Edward. His parents died from the flu and Carlisle adopted him. He is currently in a relationship with Isabella (who prefers to be called Bella) who is one of the newest additions to our family._

He's in a relationship with one of his siblings?

_The second addition is Rosalie. She can be rather harsh at times and I can guarantee you it will take a while to gain her trust. She is in a relationship with Emmett, whom she found dying in the woods after being mauled by a bear._

Another in-the-family relationship! What is wrong with these people!

_He can be rude and inappropriate, especially when he's pulling pranks with his siblings. He and his sister Alice are the most notorious and pull pranks on a daily basis. Alice came into the family with Jasper, and they are in a relationship._

Another one!

_She has no memory of her childhood and would rather not talk about her past. She enjoys shopping and spends about a million dollars each day on clothes._

"A MILLION DOLLARS A DAY! ON CLOTHES!"

The camera men gave me a funny look.

_Jasper had a rough childhood and, like Alice, prefers not to talk about it. He sometimes looks like he's in pain, but I can assure you it's nothing. He may seem depressed, but that all changes when he's with his brothers._

I'll have to look out for him…

_Jacob Black and Reneesme-_

"What kind of name is Reneesme!"

_-are very new to the family, just like Bella. The two of them are very close, and Jacob watches over her most of the time. Nessie, as we call her, is Edward's niece and she is very close to him and Bella. When she's not with Jacob, she's with them. Edward, Bella, Jake, and Nessie live in the small cottage outside._

I guess they couldn't fit 10 kids in one house.

_Seth Clearwater is the son of Sue Clearwater (a recent widow) and the younger brother of Leah Clearwater. To escape painful memories of his late father, he and his sister spend most of their time here. He has a room on the same floor as the rest of the children, and Leah sleeps in there when she's here._

He still has family? Then why is he here!

_The children don't have many friends in Forks, and the only people you will find coming to the house are the Quileutes. Bella makes them dinner every week and they come and go as they please. We treat them like family._

They come and go as the please? That's not right.

_They only eat here because Sam Uley has stopped feeding them at his place due to his wife's pregnancy, and none of their houses are big enough to hold all of them. They have nicknamed their dinner here "Food for the Furries." I normally help cook._

That makes no sense but, okay. Whatever.

_The basement is Seth and Emmett's "Play Area" and if you can't find the kids anywhere else, then they're down in the basement._

They hang out in the basement? That's unhealthy.

_We have very few rules here and normally let the children do as they please. This lets them learn from their mistakes._

"They let them do as they please! That's ridiculous!"

Tires screeched outside. The door opened to reveal several arguing teens, a blonde man, and a girl who looked to be about seven years old.

"I swear to god, Seth! ARO IS NOT GAY!" shouted a bronze-haired boy.

"I never said he was! He's just overly happy!" responded a tan boy with long, sandy brown hair.

"So are you!"

"Gay has two meanings, you know," interjected a tall boy with long blonde hair.

"If you all don't shut up I'll send you to Volterra so you can ask Aro about his sexuality and get killed for it!" shouted the man, dragging the two apart. "If you'll excuse my children. I'm Carlisle Cullen."

He held out his hand, and I shook it.

"I'm Alice, and this is Jasper!" exclaimed a small girl with short hair. She pointed to the tall blonde boy.

"Yo," he said, emotionless.

"I'm Edward, and this is Bella," said the bronze-haired boy. He gestured to the brown-haired girl next to him.

"I'm Emmett, and this is my baby Rosalie!" yelled the muscular boy with dark hair. The blonde girl next to him nodded at me.

"Jasper and Rosalie are twins," said Carlisle.

"I'm Jacob!" said a big tan boy with long black hair.

"I'm Reneesme!" shouted the girl on his shoulders.

"I'm Leah," muttered a tan girl with black hair in a ponytail.

"AND I'M SETH!"

The tan boy with the sandy hair jumped as he said it. Carlisle ruffled his hair.

"So…"

Jasper pulled a Nerf gun from his back pocket and fired it at Edward.

"BOY, YOU DID NOT JUST DO THAT!" he shouted, and pulled another gun from his pocket. Alice pulled a pen out of her pocket and flipped it into a Nerf gun. In a matter of five seconds, the entire group scattered, leaving Carlisle standing alone in front of the door.

"Oh shit," was the last thing to escape his mouth before he was covered in foam darts. Giggles were heard around the living room.

"ALPHA FORCE FIVE, GO GO GO!" shouted Jacob, motioning for Seth, Emmett, Edward, and Reneesme to go upstairs.

"MOFOS, MOVE OUT!" shouted Jasper, and Alice, Rosalie, Bella, and Leah followed him into the basement.

**CPOV**

I dived under the couch and grabbed a large, rapid fire Nerf gun. Then I grabbed Karin and proceeded to haul her to the safe area (aka, Esme's closet). As I headed up the stairs, Emmett fired a large Nerf gun while lying on the floor. I shot one dart on his forehead and leaped over him. I sprinted up the stairs and shoved Karin in the closet. She began to protest, but I slammed the door in her face.

"GERONIMOOOOO!" I yelled, and leaped down the stairs.

**EPOV**

If Carlisle thought he was going to get away going solo, he was wrong. Dead wrong. I heard him yell, and prepared myself. Just as he was about to run past me, and jumped out, stuck my gun in his face and put a dart up his nose.

"Dead," I said, looking down at him.

That's the rules in a Cullen game. One dart in the nose and you're history.

I listened for Jasper's thoughts, but found nothing. Then I realized what was happening.

"DAMMIT BELLA!" I yelled. I heard her laugh downstairs.

"We're going in," said Jacob.

He went down into the basement first, and we followed. The lights were off, but we could still see. It gave them a slight advantage, but not much. Seth waved to me, and we climbed into the trampoline (yes, there is a trampoline in the basement). It had a safety net around it (god knows why) so we would be safe from incoming darts. I heard Jacob charge with the rest of our team, and I saw several people on both sides get knocked down. When it came down to it, only Jasper and Bella were left. We stayed quiet, and Seth held his breath. It was completely quiet, save for Seth's heartbeat.

_His heartbeat!_

Darts were fired at us from the right, and we braced for impact, but it never came. Oh yeah! The safety net!

We jumped up and immobilized the other two before they could react.

"Sorry, love," I said, and fired the dart in her nose. Seth did the same for Jasper. We laughed triumphantly. Bella snorted, which caused the dart to shoot into my foot.

"OOF!"

I immediately reached down to nurse my aching foot. Bella smiled evilly and gave me a kiss on the cheek before taking my gun and hitting my over the head with it. I fell to the ground.

**JazzPOV**

I removed the dart from my nose and headed back upstairs to the couch. Alice sprinted past me towards the intercom box.

"_Attention, the fight is over, the fight is over! The winners are, once again__…__"_

You could hear her growl.

"… _Alpha Force Five."_

The intercom clicked off and then clicked back on.

"_I just received a new report! Bella has immobilized Edward in the basement. Carlisle, please report to the basement to check on him and his little wiener."_

"I do not have a little wiener! AUGH MY HEAD!"

I could hear Bella laughing. That's why I picked her for my team. Emmett came roaring down the stairs, and Carlisle followed him, pulling the dart out of his nose. Emmett leaped over the couch and sat next to me.

"Dude, I heard Carlisle shove the new mom in Esme's closet!"

"Real talk, man?"

"Real talk! Let's go torture her!"

Emmett and I ran up the stairs, then up the other stairs to Carlisle and Esme's room. I located said closet, and smiled when I saw the light switch panel. I flipped the first switch up and down.

"What's going on with the lights? WHAT'S HAPPENING?" she screamed.

I flipped the next switch, and could see disco lights coming from under the door.

"What the…?"

I pressed another button on the panel, and some smooth music started playing.

"What the F*CK?"

I leaned over to Emmett and said "Ooh, looks like the new mom has a potty mouth."

"She'll fit in right well with us then!" he laughed.

"Boys…" I heard Carlisle coming up the stairs.

"Ohshit!"

I flipped the switches back and stopped the music, then we both flitted out the window. I heard Carlisle unlock the closet door and let her out. We headed back in through the front door. The pack was arriving, and the kitchen was steaming.

"BELLA! The beans are overflowing!" shouted Alice.

"The JACOB beans!" interjected Jacob.

"We all have food named after us Jake, so SHUT IT!" screamed Bella. She headed back up the stairs. "Why do I put people who don't know how to cook in charge of making food?"

"I dunno," said Edward. "Maybe because _I_, the master chef, is _usually _in charge of them!"

"Sorry Edward, but no husband of mine shoots a dart up my nose _willingly_!"

"JASPER STARTED IT!"

He pointed an accusing hand at me.

"HEY, EMMETT TOLD ME TO!"

"EMM-ETT!" screamed Edward.

"Whaaat? I thought it would be a good way to get the new mom rolling!"

"And a good way to my dear, loving, wife HATE ME!"

It was at this point, Karin herself came stumbling down the stairs, glaring at us.

Things were obviously not getting off to a good start.

**Oh no they're not! In the next chapter we get to see all the foods the Cullens have named themselves after, and Karin gets a wonderful experience with the pack!**


	3. Of Dinner and Skyrim

**For some reason, I wrote this and said that the Cullens were in Forks, and I've portrayed Reneesme as being around 3, which means it takes place immediately after BD.**

**I am a moron.**

**This takes place a loooong time after BD because the Cullens have moved around and come back to Forks, and Reneesme should be fully grown, but I'm an idiot. Let's just say she didn't grow up fast. I have creative liberties.**

**EPOV**

Oh. My. Friggin. God.

My head feels like hell! Only vampires can inflict pain on other vampires, and my wife has inflicted pain on me! MY WIFE. And it's all friggin Emmett's fault.

"EDWARD! Snap out of it! We've got food to cook!"

Bella slapped me across the face which made my head hurt even more.

"I don't think he'll be able to help today. You hit him pretty hard, and you just did it again," said Carlisle.

"I'll help! I've got to make my buttered Jaspers anyways," said Jasper, coming into the kitchen. I went back around the counter and sat down in one of the chairs to watch them cook.

"Can someone hand me the salsa for the seven-layered Emmett?" yelled Alice.

"I want chocolate Edward for dessert!" shouted Quil, coming in from the patio.

"Can I have an Alice before dinner Bella? Please?" asked Seth.

"No! You'll ruin your appetite! Can I get some Seth-eyed peas going?" she responded.

Karin just stared at the mass mayhem going on in the kitchen.

"I NEED SOME F*CKING BUTTER!" screamed Jasper, who was apparently not getting his butter.

I'm actually pretty glad I don't have to help today. It seems that when Esme's gone, the kitchen is in chaos.

"Alice, get the yellow Carlisle out of the fridge," said Bella, taking control of the situation. "Seth, Quil, GET OUT. Jasper, here's the butter. Now can we get some food cooked here?"

They proceeded to make a huge, three course meal for the entire pack. It actually turned out half decent, and I did end up helping. Grilling steaks outside in the quiet was just what I needed.

The meal was laid out on the long coffee table in the den. Plates were placed around the edges while the appetizers were being laid in the middle. The wolves descended on the food, and in no time it was gone. Next came the main course, which contained but was not limited to vegetable soup, rare steaks, teriyaki chicken, butter Jaspers (biscuits, southern style), pasta, and even sushi. Finally, desert came, and each wolf wanted something different. It was prepared in mass quantities, because we all know that a Quileute eats more than an average person.

"Why do you all call the food strange names?" asked Karin, staring wide-eyed at the eating mutts.

"Well, here in the Cullen house, we each have a food named after us. I got ice cream," I said.

"I got cookies!" exclaimed Alice.

"Biscuits," said Jasper.

"Seven-layered dip, man!" said Emmett.

"Cake," said Carlisle, embarrassed.

"Refried beans," said Jacob through mouthfuls of food.

"Black-eyed peas!" whooped Seth.

"Chips," said Rosalie.

"Spaghetti!" shouted Reneesme.

"And I ended up with candy," said Bella, rubbing the back of her head.

"Because everyone just wanted to eat you up!" shouted Emmett.

"Especially me," laughed Jasper.

I growled. They stopped.

Karin gave us funny looks.

"Why are all these people here?" she asked incredulously, motioning towards the pack. "Why can't you get food at your own homes?"

"Because," said Jacob.

"We enjoy free food," said Paul.

"It ain't free," I said, smacking the back of his head. "We get your hard labor in return, dog."

"Oh. Right."

We made the dirty dogs do big chores like yard work and major repairs. They were good, and more efficient than immigrants.

Plus, you have to pay immigrants with money.

I like money.

"Get out! Get out!" screamed Karin, shooing away the pack.

"Hey hey hey!" shouted Seth. "You can't just tell them to leave. Besides, you don't have authority to do that until next week."

"You all smell and you're rude! Sitting on the floor, eating with your hands, you're **barbarians!**"

She reached out to strike an unsuspecting Paul. Knowing it would not end well for Karin or us, I stopped her.

"You need to calm down," said my love. "Please."

Furious, she yelled in rage and stormed back upstairs.

"Good riddance," muttered Jasper.

"I miss my mommy," whined Emmett.

"Are you regretting your decision now?" asked Carlisle.

We glanced at each other.

"No, we'll make a good situation out of this yet!" said Alice bravely.

Carlisle just shook his head and headed up to his office.

**Esme POV**

I arrived at the Aglio household around midday. It was a nice house, not too upscale (like ours) or too small and run down. A nice, upper-middle class house.

"I like it," I commented for the cameras.

The door led straight into a living room and open kitchen. There were two chairs and a couch set up around a cabinet that housed a TV set, a Blu-Ray player, and several DVDs.

The kitchen had a counter separating it from the living room and an island in the middle. All necessary appliances were present. I saw the family rule book on the table but ignored it and moved upstairs.

The kids bedrooms were very neat and tidy. One obviously belonged to a teenage girl and the other a teenage boy, due to some posters on the walls and the paint colors.

The master bedroom was at the end of the upstairs hall. It was average sized with a nice bed and dressers.

The house was quite quaint compared to our over-extravagant "White Mansion."

"It's a nice house."

I sat down on a bar stool to read the manual.

_I'm Karin Aglio, and you'll be replacing me as the mother figure of the Aglio family!_

_My husband, Arnold, is a lawyer. He works from 7 AM to 4 PM, sometimes later depending on work._

_We have two children: Amy and Daryn. Amy is 13 and is in 8__th__ grade. Daryn is 15 and in 10__th__ grade. They get along fairly well._

_Amy and Daryn are both on the YMCA swim team by choice. Daryn swims on the high school team, and they both swim on the USA team, an offset of the YMCA team. We make them participate in several school activites._

Make. They _make _them.

_Daryn is in the FFA (Future Farmers of America), Beta Club, and Show Choir. He also plays soccer._

_Amy is also in the FFA at the middle school, Beta Club, and she plays softball._

_They both walk dogs at the SPCA when they have free time. I volunteer at the SPCA regularly._

_We attend church on Sundays._

"This family sure has a tight schedule," I said, shaking my head. "I'll have to free up some time for them later."

At that moment, I heard a car pull up in the driveway. No less than a few minutes later, they walked in the front door.

Arnold was tall, balding, and chubby. I assumed he was better looking in his prime.

Daryn was well built, had short, brown hair, and was getting to be taller than his dad. I could tell he was a devoted swimmer by his obvious muscle definition.

Amy was thin and short, with long, wavy brown hair and freckles.

"Nice to meet you," said Arnold, in a not-so-nice manner.

"It's a pleasure to meet you all too," I responded. "I hope we can all get along well."

Amy and Daryn smiled and greeted me, and I greeted them in turn. They seemed like nice, well-behaved kids.

"You two better work on your homework," said their father, ushering them upstairs.

"Yes dad," they spoke monotonously.

**Karin POV**

At 12 AM I heard the most awful racket from downstairs. I crawled out of the huge bed and walked down to the third floor. It was empty. I walked down to the second floor.

All the lights were on, and the Cullens were spread out all over the place. Carlisle was calmly sitting in his recliner, reading the paper.

His children were not so calm.

Edward was using the television, playing some video game in which he shot off spells, bow and arrows, and weird shouts to take down a dragon, which he brutally killed with a sword. Emmett watched eagerly with a big black book in his lap, occasionally commenting on the game or giving Edward advice.

Bella, Alice, and Rosalie were playing strip poker in the floor, much to the boys' delight. Rosalie had lost her pants, Bella only wearing a cami, bra, and underwear, and Alice fully clothed.

"This is unfair," grumbled Bella.

Jasper was in the corner playing an electric guitar, which I assumed was making most of the racket. He was quite good, but it was still a horrible instrument.

Carlisle acted as if this was normal behavior.

"What are you doing up this late?" I screeched.

They all stopped and stared at me. Carlisle piped up.

"The children don't have set bed times. They just go whenever."

"_Whenever? _On a _school night?_"

"Yeah," responded Edward, not looking away from his game.

"What nonsensical violent abomination are you playing?" I asked.

He froze. Emmett reached over and paused the game. Edward slowly turned to face me.

"Nonsensical violent abomination?" he repeated, like it was a question. "**NONSENSICAL VIOLENT ABOMINATION?**"

He was absolutely fuming as he walked towards me.

"**SKYRIM **IS NOT A **'NONSENSICAL VIOLENT ABOMINATION!'**" he screamed. "IT IS BY FAR THE _ABSOLUTE BEST _GAME TO EVER BE MADE ON THIS EARTH!"

"Oh, you've done it now," said Alice, barely loud enough for me to hear.

"YOU, _LADY, _NEED TO LEARN TO **THINK **BEFORE YOU **SPEAK! **YOU ARE POSSIBLY THE MOST VILE CREATURE I HAVE EVER COME ACROSS **IN MY ENTIRE EXISTENCE!**"

"Edward, calm do-" Carlisle tried to say, but he was cut off.

"I WILL **NOT **CALM DOWN! THIS WILL NOT STAND! THIS WOMAN IS AN **IMBECILE!**"

I was absolutely petrified as he assaulted me with his words.

There was an eerie silence as Edward stood, frozen, his finger pointing at me where he had jabbed me several times in the chest.

Emmett cleared his throat.

"We used to have a mother just like you, but then she took an arrow in the knee."

Edward's frozen face of fury and rage turned to a mixed expression, then he busted out laughing.

"Screw you, Emmett, SCREW YOU!" he yelled in between fits of laughter.

Edward plopped back down on the couch and continued playing. The game of strip poker resumed. Jasper started playing his guitar again. Carlisle went back to the newspaper.

I stared, shocked.

"YOU PEOPLE ARE NUTS!" I shouted, and ran back upstairs.

As I was going up the staircase, I heard Carlisle tell the children to be a bit quieter.

**And so, another chapter of Wife Swap! Karin is going to have a devil of a time with the Cullens, and Esme is going to have to deal with the Aglio's hectic schedule!**

**A lot of people don't portray Edward as a gamer, but I'm sure he would enjoy something like Skyrim.**

**Yes, to the extent that he would flip out on Karin. It's a great game.**

**The next chapter is going to have more Cullen craziness and some more Esme action! However, it might be a bit of a delay due to the fact that I'm working on a Christmas oneshot :) It's going to be added on to the Twelve Days of Twilight to bump it up when I finish it, so keep your eyes peeled!**


End file.
